New Year Resolution - What If

Have you ever done something really stupid that turned out to be completely life changing? I should have been terrified, but in that moment I had never felt so free. So in control, of who I am and what I wanted.

That’s what this night out in New York was to me. It was gaining my independence. It was breaking free of the chains I didn’t know I was wearing.

It’s how doing something I knew I shouldn’t have, broke me free of my fear, and self doubt. Ultimately making me happier.

So… what happened you ask? Let me tell you.

I went on holiday to New York to bring in the new year (2019) with my best friend. Bucket list achievement - check. We went around to all of the tourist attractions and had the best time.

After having a disagreement on what we were going to do on one of the nights, I decided to go off on my own. It was January 1st, a new year and in turn, a new me. Intent on making the most of each moment. And deciding to tick off one or two of my new years resolutions.

I booked a ticket to Broadway, jumped in an uber and went and watched “Chicago” by myself.

It was absolutely amazing, I highly recommend it if you ever get the chance. I love live performances and to actually watch a performance on broadway is whole new experience in itself.

I was captivated from the very moment I crossed the theatre threshold, to watching the story come alive. Until finally the curtains were drawn, and I was left with such an awe-inspired feeling, that’s hard to describe.

Exhilarated from the show, and determined to complete my “do something crazy” resolution. I chose to walk the streets of New York alone late at night.

Yes, yes we’ve all heard the stories about how dangerous it is to do that, but I didn’t care at the time.

The cool breeze had felt so nice on my face and I didn’t want the night to end.

I was truly alone in that moment. I was in a different country, I didn’t know anyone, would have been absolutely screwed if something had happened and yet I’d never felt so alive.

I walked with intention, with my head held high, phone clasped in my hand… just in case.

In all honesty, I probably looked like I was ready to fight someone. Certainly some of the looks I was getting from others passing by would suggest that, or maybe they thought I was crazy, who knows maybe I was.

What is crazy is the noises you hear when your paranoid, the things you see out the corner of your eye. The shadows that circle you. Your heart pounding in your chest.

But I wasn’t really thinking about that. I was thinking about the performance, the fact that I was in fricking NEW YORK CITY. I thought about who I am and what kind of person I want to be… The kind of person who took chances and had adventures. Who tried new things and met new people. Someone who was brave and didn't let “what if” hold them back.

I walked all the way back to the hotel, a little over 20 minutes walk, only stopping off at a little pizzeria on the way and grabbing what you could only describe as a heavenly slice of deliciousness (If you’ve had genuine New York pizza, then you know what I’m talking about).

I made it back safely and after listening to my bestie tell me how stupid and dangerous it was to walk. I laid down on the bed and couldn’t help but smile.

It was the first time in my life that I had truly done something “just for me” - consequences be damned.

I had done something I never would have done, simply because of “what if?”- what if you had been murdered, attacked, kidnapped, what if, what if, what if… that “what if” had stopped me from doing a lot of things in the past, I’m sure some for the better, but in that moment and just for one night, I no longer wanted to be caged by those two words. “What if” I’d had the greatest night of my life?

On the plus side… I’m no longer scared of the dark (Or more accurately what might be hiding within it).

So my advice to you, is to take a chance and find your courage. Do something just for you. No one else. You’ll be all the happier for it.